Sex o'clock Sharp

Most people are born or die between the hour of 5 and 6 o’clock in the morning. It’s like the body waits for that magical hour to let go and, poof, you’re in the world, or you’re off it.

This strange phenomenon applies to relationships, flings, one night stands, body calls, romantic incident, and big freaking mistakes. 

If you spend the night out with somebody, talking, laughing, drinking, walking, running away from danger,  and finally ending -up on the beach at the 6am mark, a bit chilled maybe but damn happy, your body will just let go. All your walls will fall down all at once, you will lean over and BANG!, there you go, you’re in trouble again.

There was a time, when I was much younger, that was just fine. That was just great! I would just literally live for the 6am phenomenon. All activities preceding that point were just excuses to make it through the magical mark with a person I liked and snug. Now that I’ve entered an age where running after chicken at the farm is painful on the knees, the 6 am phenomenon creates all sort of monsters and weird creatures.

Being a teen, or in your twenties, this is so easy. You carry no baggage. What you see is what you get. You’re a body, plenty of energy and about 10 cool attitudes and 5 shitty ones, and not much more. And mornings after are a breeze, they go like this, “hey dude! Bye now. Nice meeting you.” And that’s it. Light. Brief. Painless. 

When you’re an adults, you just carry around so much back stories,  it’s like you’re emotionally overweight. And there no gym card or a better diet or gentle yoga class that can deal with that. 

When two middle aged adults wake up in the morning, in the same bed, with sand in their butt crack, it creates so much instant density, it’s like a black hole about to explode into existence in the middle of your apartment. You can’t lie. She heard all the lies before. Many times! She can’t tell you stories. You’ve also heard all of them before.  You have 80 years of collective life experience to recollect together before you go get a shower and wash off that sand.

I don’t know.

Maybe I should stay awake till 6am all by myself for a change. See what happens then. But I know me. Comes 6 am, all my walls will fall down all at once, my body will give up, and I will just jump on my phone and start text messaging her hysterically.


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