Sex o'clock Sharp
Most people are born or die between the hour of 5 and 6 o’clock
in the morning. It’s like the body waits for that magical hour to let go and,
poof, you’re in the world, or you’re off it.
This strange phenomenon applies to relationships, flings, one
night stands, body calls, romantic incident, and big freaking mistakes.
If you spend the night out with somebody, talking, laughing,
drinking, walking, running away from danger, and finally ending -up on the beach at the 6am
mark, a bit chilled maybe but damn happy, your body will just let go. All your
walls will fall down all at once, you will lean over and BANG!, there you go,
you’re in trouble again.
There was a time, when I was much younger, that was just
fine. That was just great! I would just literally live for the 6am phenomenon.
All activities preceding that point were just excuses to make it through the
magical mark with a person I liked and snug. Now that I’ve entered an age where
running after chicken at the farm is painful on the knees, the 6 am phenomenon
creates all sort of monsters and weird creatures.
Being a teen, or in your twenties, this is so easy. You
carry no baggage. What you see is what you get. You’re a body, plenty of energy
and about 10 cool attitudes and 5 shitty ones, and not much more. And mornings after
are a breeze, they go like this, “hey dude! Bye now. Nice meeting you.” And that’s
it. Light. Brief. Painless.
When you’re an adults, you just carry around so much back
stories, it’s like you’re emotionally
overweight. And there no gym card or a better diet or gentle yoga class that can
deal with that.
When two middle aged adults wake up in the morning, in the same
bed, with sand in their butt crack, it creates so much instant density, it’s
like a black hole about to explode into existence in
the middle of your apartment. You can’t lie. She heard all the lies before. Many times! She can’t
tell you stories. You’ve also heard all of them before. You have 80 years of collective life
experience to recollect together before you go get a shower and wash off that sand.
I don’t know.
Maybe I should stay awake till 6am all by myself for a
change. See what happens then. But I know me. Comes 6 am, all my walls will fall down all at once, my body will give up, and I will just jump on my phone and start
text messaging her hysterically.
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